


Study In Rituals [Jimmy Carr x David Mitchell]

by traitorleech



Category: Big Fat Quiz of the Year RPF, British Comedy RPF, Would I Lie To You? RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 08:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traitorleech/pseuds/traitorleech
Summary: After a while, Jimmy noticed some consistency in David's behaviour when they were preparing for a show. They were tiny, little rituals, and David did them in the same order every single time as if they were jotted down on a list or something else and David ticked them mentally off one by one.
Relationships: Jimmy Carr/David Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Study In Rituals [Jimmy Carr x David Mitchell]

After a while, Jimmy noticed some consistency in David's behaviour when they were preparing for a show. They were tiny, little rituals, and David did them in the same order every single time as if they were jotted down on a list or something else and David ticked them mentally off one by one. It wasn't actually surprising that David had those rituals, after all he was a quite pedantic man — not in a bad way though. But David was a man of thoroughness and diligence, had everything always planned out up to the most insignificant detail. Of course David had to have rituals, without them he'd probably not be able to function. It was more of a surprise that Jimmy did notice these rituals. He never paid much attention to other people if they weren't women with a rather intriguing physique or something that extraordinary, he couldn't force himself to look away. Yet something about David made him pay attention and stay interested for more than the obligatory two and a half seconds, and David didn't have three heads, and neither was he a woman. 

By now, Jimmy had a reasonably good understanding of David's pre-recording rituals; First David would go to the loo. Then, sitting in his place, he'd make sure whether his shirt was tucked away properly and his fly not undone. Thirdly and fourthly, David would place a water bottle in reach on his right-hand side, usually next to his right leg and additional drinks on or underneath his table. Lastly, when mic'd up he would — like everyone else — do a sound check. They weren't the most complex of rituals Jimmy had witnessed over the years. Some people were a lot worse and obnoxious about it, so much so that David's little rituals were almost adorable. A thought Jimmy genuinely never thought he'd think.

It wasn't for long and Jimmy found solace and reassurance in these rituals. They were always there, something he anticipated and could rely upon and when David wasn't on one of his shows, which was the norm unfortunately, he actually missed these stupid, little rituals. And he could not start ere he had mentally gone through the list himself. 

Was that natural? 

\----- 

On one occasion when they were recording _The Big Fat Quiz of the Year_ , an assistant handed out water bottles. David was not yet back from his trip to the loo and the assistant put David's water bottle on the table. Before Jimmy's brain processed what he was doing, he walked over and moved the bottle to its proper place. Seeing the bottle standing on top of the table rather than where it belonged just... felt wrong. None of the celebrities — maybe some members of the audience — noticed Jimmy's doing.

When David returned, he stared at the water bottle and his forehead furrowed. Sitting down, he shook his head. After the countdown ended and Jimmy began the introduction of the show, he forgot all about the bottle.

However, the thought of David's pre-recording rituals did not leave his mind. It made Jimmy wonder, whether there were other rituals he didn't know about. Possibly. Every person in their own rights had some sort of morning routine they'd perform every time they got up. So David probably had one as well. But what about other rituals? Like a specific dressing order, pre-sex rituals or a shower ritual. Maybe even one for making tea. 

Due to his lack of concentration, Jimmy had to re-read many of the jokes time and time again. It was embarrassing how easily his mind could be thrown off by thinking about David’s rituals. He was supposed to be a professional! He couldn’t afford to stay distracted on a show of that calibre. 

\-----

Afterwards most of them went to a nearby pub to have a couple of drinks. When Will brought the first round back to their table, Jimmy kept watching David mesmerised. Did it already qualify as an obsession or could it still be labeled a “Mild curiosity”? He didn’t know — should he care? Maybe it ought to feel wrong but would he stop then? 

David picked up the pint using his right hand, and took a sip, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. When he put it down again, his fingers remained curled around the handle. 

»Are you all right, Jimmy?« David asked. 

Jimmy’s eyes flicked up from his fingers to David’s face, who frowned at him. Fuck, he must’ve noticed his staring. 

»Hm? Ya ‘m fine,« he said, »D’you know that you’re doing it?«

David looked at him rather confused thus Jimmy elaborated, »I mean these things you do prior to a recording… the thing with the water bottle-?«

David still expressed some bewilderment, his eyes moving around as if he was trying to remember what Jimmy was actually talking about. Then he seemed to understand. But before he could answer Jonathan butted in, shoved his body next to David and put an arm around his shoulders, »David! Had no chance for some catching up- Sorry Carr, if I’m interrupting«

Jimmy merely shrugged. What else could he have done? Insisting on his awkward conversation with David and subsequently confessing that he had paid more attention to him than objectively appropriate? He could’ve done that — he sort of had already done that, the latter part at least — although it probably wouldn’t be a great idea, especially not with David and Jonathan there. It would make things only worse. 

So he fought the urge to punch Jonathan in the face for lunging into their moment, didn’t say anything, grabbed his pint and got up. Maybe talking to someone else might be of use to take his mind off David for a while. 

\-----

The next time Jimmy saw David was on a recording of _Would I Lie to You?_ , and Jimmy couldn’t help but intently watch David again. However, it may have been because of his remarks but David didn’t do his usual pre-show rituals. Which was… uncanny. 

It didn’t just bother Jimmy, but irritated David as well. He kept pushing around the bottle of water on the table, indecisive about what to do with it or where to put it. 

Confusing. That’s what it was. And ridiculous, if it really was because of Jimmy’s comment. He clenched his jaws. Why did it bother him so much? He could simply turn his head and look away… to Lee for example. Lee had tried to make conversation for some time now and always stopped because Jimmy wasn’t listening. 

But who was he kidding? He wouldn’t be able to “Simply look away” and ignore David. Over the last couple of months that man was the only thing constantly on Jimmy’s mind, not going away. Internally, Jimmy sighed, rose from his chair and walked over. 

»For Christ’s sake,« he mumbled next to David’s ear, took the bottle out of his hand and placed it on David’s right. When he realised what happened, a soft smile appeared on David’s face as he tried to look straight ahead. 

\-----

»I thought it annoyed you,« David remarked after they finished recording the show and they walked off the set together. 

»It didn’t,« Jimmy said, »But your not doing it does«

They went past a group of people from the production crew, who stood in the corridor, arguing about something and they didn’t even seem to notice them.

»I’d have never thought anyone would pay that much attention to me. Especially not you,« David said and buried his hands in the pockets of his denim jeans.

»Neither did I. It just sort of… happened,« Jimmy confessed. At this point, he didn’t care what David would think of him. He was relieved to have it finally off his chest, although it meant for him out of the frying pan and into the fire.

David remained silent for a few steps until they reached the door of his dressing room. Then he turned to Jimmy, »Yes, but why?«

Jimmy swallowed hard. Yeah, why? Why the fuck was David constantly on his mind like a switch he couldn’t turn off? Why did he pay so much attention to him that he even knew some of his little, stupid rituals? Why?

»I- dunno. Guess I just like you,« Jimmy said at last. Shrugging his shoulders, he scratched his left eyebrow. 

David scoffed out a laugh, »Is that even possible?«

Jimmy crossed his arms, »Oi! You’re the raging little bastard, who thinks most of mankind is rubbish. Not me. Furthermore your… pre-show rituals were a lot more entertaining than most other people«

»How can I — a boring, history-liking nerd with slight OCD — be more interesting than celebrities? That’s like an old sock you’d put up against a new and utterly expensive pair of tennis shoes. Why the fucking socks?« David said. He had taken his hands out of his pockets and waved them furiously mid-air. 

Jimmy’s eyes flickered down to David’s mouth. Well, why would Jimmy take the old sock rather than the utterly expensive pair of shoes? Because the old sock was bloody David Mitchell! Of course, he’d take the sock — well, David. How could he have been so ignorant?

»Oh, bloody hell, David!« Jimmy said and before he could help himself, he leaned in to kiss David, pressing their lips together. David didn’t move and after a moment Jimmy pulled back, ready to apologise and to vanish into the ground any second now, never to emerge again. 

»Sorry- I’m sorry,« he stammered. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Jimmy looked around, but the members of the production crew had moved on, because the corridor was empty except for them. At least no one else had noticed what he’d just done. 

»Ehr-,« David said. His eyes had gone wide with surprise and his cheeks pink, »You- ehr-« 

They both fell silent and Jimmy seriously considered running as far away as physically possible for him as one genuine option. Maybe he could make it to his dressing room and never come out again, or directly for the exit. Taking a cab and never looking back. An agonising amount of time went past ere David continued, »I mean- I thought you weren’t- but then again, I have no fucking clue about that sort of thing. So, your idea is- picking up on other people’s… routines?«

»Apparently,« Jimmy conceded shakily. In truth, he had no fucking clue either. All women he ever had were quite different to David. But then again, he did not have David. Yet he was hoping — well, yes, he was actually hoping for it and not in that objectifying way. Although he just blew his chance, didn’t he? Fuck!

»I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-«

David raised his hand and silenced Jimmy in an instant. 

»You bloody moron,« he mumbled, curled his hand around Jimmy’s neck and leaned in. Jimmy met him halfway, slid his hands around David’s waits and pulled him closer. David’s mouth was wet and hot. At first the kiss was tentative, but then David pressed him firmly against the door of his dressing room. Jimmy felt the cold of the door seeping through the fabric of his suit and shirt, and a shiver went down his spine. 

In need of air, they broke away and Jimmy started placing short kisses alongside David’s jawline and his earlobe. 

»You bloody moron,« David repeated, »You couldn’t possibly have figured this one out sooner?«

»Oh, shut up. If it weren’t for me noticing your bloody rituals, we wouldn’t be here in the first place,« Jimmy murmured and grinned.

»Well, if you’re so keen on my rituals, I think I have a few more I can show you,« David said and grinned too.


End file.
